Looking Back and Looking Forward...

I've been a Christian now for about 13 years (so I consider it).  It was the summer of 1999 when I remember my faith in God became real, that I actually wanted to know Him and live my life under His lordship.  Being a musician, the memories I have of my Christian journey are ALWAYS accompanied by music.  When I think of my early Christian years (high school), I think of dcTalk, Hillsong, Passion and Caedmon's Call.  My middle years (college and a few years after), I think of artists dedicated to "right theology", such as Derek Webb, Indelible Grace and Red Mountain.  Currently, well, that's why I'm writing this post.

If you're paying attention to my timeline, you might notice a stark contrast between the early and middle years:  CCM vs. Hymnology.  Or, as I remember it, emotionalism vs. "headiness".  I've been to both extremes.  In high school, I was that guy with my hands raised and eyes closed.  Most of the time I was genuine.  Sometimes I wasn't.  In college and after, I was that guy who looked down on those with hands raised and eyes closed.  It wasn't about emotion anymore, but ONLY about theology and understanding.

Before coming to St. Andrews, I had contemplated leaving church work (but not the church) and using my music in other ways.  I was burnt out.  Leading worship was no longer exciting to me.  I had done the emotional thing.  I had done the heady thing.  Both had grown old in their time.  I had lost my passion.  Then, something happened.  It's quite funny and at the same time humbling when I look back on it. God wouldn't open up any other doors.  Do you know that, since graduating college, I attempted to enter 3 different graduate schools to study jazz and become a Nashville session player, and all 3 times, the door closed?  First it was Belmont, right in the heart of the music city.  God called me to a summer in Thailand instead - from which I will never be the same.  Next, it was Middle Tennessee State, another breeding ground for "jazz cats" just a half hour or so outside of Nashville.  No one ever called me back.  I'm serious.  Lastly, it was U of Alabama.  Closer to home, but still providing a quality education.  Again, no call back.  Really?

I think the reason for those closed doors is now obvious.  God knew what he had called me to do, and he allowed me to experience the heady and the heart to get to what our pastor calls "the third way."  I began to realize that you can have both, and that Scripture even commends both.  I can be David and Paul at the same time - a skilled musician and a growing theologian.  Worship was never intended to be exclusively emotional or exclusively heady, but both.  Thanks be to God!  It was all part of the growing process.  I've now come to view the Hillsongs and the Indelible Graces in a new way - through the eyes Scripture, not the culture around me.  Not that the surrounding culture of friends and worship leaders who listen to this music doesn't help.  I need those people.  But I've also let "extremists" (those who go too far to one side, and I've been one twice!) influence my view on worship, and that wasn't good.

Maybe you're in that boat.  Maybe you've allowed the culture around you to influence how you view worship.  Don't do that.  Let me recommend a great book to you - Bob Kauflin's Worship Matters.  Bob is my new hero.  He is a great model of someone who loves to be moved by great worship music, and at the same time, is more committed to the primacy of God's Word in worship than any other contemporary guy I've heard of.   Another book that has had a huge impact on me is Christ-Centered Worship by Brian Chapell, where the history of music in the church is explored, along with (obviously) keeping Christ in the center of our services.  I'm not just thankful that God has kept me a music leader in the church.  I'm even more thankful that he's committed to growing my view of Him through His Word, 'cause truth is, His Word is teaching me more and more about what Biblical worship looks like, and I can't get enough...

I Might As Well Have Been Blind

Our Young Adult group at St. Andrews is studying the book Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper. It's always been one of those books I assumed I would eventually read because churches and bookstores always have it out where everyone can see it. The title itself is intriguing. I have to say, though, I'm a little surprised at what first hit me as I began reading.

In the very first chapter, Piper recalls some of the influences that came into his life during his college years. One of them (no surprise here) was C.S. Lewis. He mentions that, after reading his first Lewis book, Mere Christianity, that he was hooked for life. Lewis's writings were a breath of fresh air for Piper amidst the "existentialism" that reigned in the day (basically, instead of a Creator giving us meaning, we create our own purpose and essence - sounds alot like postmodernism, doesn't it?). Existentialism suggested that there was no God "out there," but that any evidence of God or gods was to be found in us. We create who we want to become.

However, C.S. Lewis, observant and imaginative as he was, helped Piper (and now me) see that creation is evidence enough for the existence of a God who is "out there." In the quote below , Piper writes of how Lewis opened his eyes to "objective reality":

"He [Lewis] demonstrated for me and convinced me that rigorous, precise, penetrating logic is not opposed to deep, soul-stirring feeling and vivd, lively - even playful - imagination."

What I took away from it is this: I spend alot of my time thinking about what I have to do next. I'm task-driven, and on the positive side of things, it helps me get things done. The downside is that I have spent most of my life missing the "objective reality" in front of me. How often do I stop and think, "Wow! Look at all these trees! Look how they make shade from the sun! How did they get there?", or "Look at the ocean! There's no way that man could've filled the earth with that much water, let alone the fish that dwell within it!", or even more, "Look at the clouds, the stars in the sky! Who put those there? How do they hold their place?" Part of not wasting my life is looking around and noticing the evidences of the Creator. I might as well have been blind all these years, because I have grown used to these things. I take them for granted, when God put them here to point to Himself.

I live in sunny South Florida. I even ride my bike to and from the church each day. If I stop my racing mind for one minute and just look around, I'm amazed at how everything I see, no matter how technologically advanced or new they appear, all came from God. Is there anything in this world that God did not create? What hospital or office building came into being without the natural elements that God put into the earth? What architect received his knowledge of angles and mathematics without Someone first setting the boundaries of absolutes? How can these construction men in the orange vests mix and pour concrete without Someone first filling the earth with rocks and sand? These things may be obvious, logical things, but as Piper said above:

"He [Lewis] demonstrated for me and convinced me that rigorous, precise, penetrating logic is not opposed to deep, soul-stirring feeling and vivd, lively - even playful - imagination."

The obvious can awaken worship if we stop and notice it.

"Songs From My Baby Years": Breathe

Right now I'm training two people in our church to become worship leaders. It's kind of making me feel old, especially when I tell them that "Shout to the Lord" was a Hillsong tune (Hillsong has definitely gotten more edgy in the past 10 years). One of the things I'm doing is introducing them to worship artists and songs that helped shape me. Chances are, if you ask any worship leader, they'll be able to point to a few artists and songs that had a monumental impact on them. For me, one combination of artist/song that greatly impacted me was Christ Nockels singing the song "Breathe."

Think of the most angelic female voice you've ever heard (before the days of Kari Jobe) combined with a passionate, longing heart. Christy teaches us what a worshipper should be doing, because when you listen to her sing, you can feel her energy and desire for God. She's not a show-boat; she just sings what she feels.

Marie Barnett is the original author of "Breathe", but Christy's approach to the song is the best out there. You can find it on one of the older Passion albums (OneDay Live):

This is the air I breath (x2)

Your holy presence

Living in me

This is my daily bread (x2)

Your very word spoken to me

And I...I'm desperate for You

And I...I'm lost without You

Isn't it amazing how these few words can say so much? Is this not the core of the Christian life? Our 2 most basic needs: God's presence & God's Word. And the best part about it? This song describes the very posture in which God desires us to be: humble, broken, contrite, needy. Isn't this where we find our strength?

"Songs From My Baby Years": Lord, Light the Fire Again

Stacy and I have recently discovered that our 7-week-old baby gets fussy. Thankfully, it doesn't last all day. But usually between 5 - 8pm, she will begin to cry and fuss for reasons beyond our knowing. Her diaper's been changed, she's been fed, rocked, swaddled - those comfort measures that always seem to work are all of a sudden useless. Nothing satisfies anymore. When all options have been exhausted, the only thing we can do is let her cry (in the seclusion of her nursery, of course!). It's hard to block it out. It's tempting to go pick her up. However, to do so would not only be useless, but it would rob her of a valuable lesson: she has to learn that the pain eventually subsides, that whatever she's upset about will eventually be made right. And she does. After 30 minutes of screaming bloody murderer, she calms and falls asleep.

Last week, I wrote about the song Draw Me Close. I loved feeling the closeness of God in those early days. I felt His presence all the time. It was new. Fresh. So it's only fitting that I was devastated the first time I seemingly lost that sensation. God had been so exciting to me, and all of sudden, things began to feel mundane, lifeless and dry. I thought I had done something wrong. I thought I wasn't worshiping hard enough or praying long enough. I would ask to feel His presence - nothing. I would try and sing my favorite song - nothing. I would even cry - nothing. Why was this happening? Has God left me? No. He was letting me cry in the nursery.

I think those were the moments where God said, "It's time for you to start walking by faith, Rick." Those were the moments where, instead of running to my first cry, God let me be, and I was forced to walk by faith. At the time, I wasn't sure how to do that, but soon enough, I discovered the beauty of God's Word, how it promised me that I am "sealed for eternity" and that "by one sacrifice, He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." When I began reading these words, I realized that God hadn't left me. He simply wanted me to learn trust and faith - and that came by leaving me in my "nursery" and forcing me to know the Truth. Do I ever feel His presence now? Absolutely. Do I feel it as often as I did when I was 17? No, but I've learned to trust in between those times. He hasn't left. He's only growing me.

Lord, Light the Fire Again was a song I connected with during these times (and still do!). It's a cry to God to renew my zeal for him (whether I feel it or not), and to discipline me. It's one of those songs that means so much in times of dryness. I need that nursery time. I need to learn trust, and when I do, God seems to return that warm feeling. This song is by the Vineyard artist Brian Doerkson. Here are the lyrics:

Don't let my love grow cold

I'm calling out, "Light the fire again!"

Don't let my vision die

I'm calling out, "Light the fire again!"

You know my heart my deeds

I'm calling out, "Light the fire again!"

I need Your discipline

I'm calling out, "Light the fire again!"

I am here to buy gold, refined in the fire

Naked and poor

Wretched and blind I come

Clothe me in white so I won't be ashamed

Lord, light the fire again

"Songs From My Baby Years": Draw Me Close

Last week I started a new blog series called "Songs From My Baby Years." Lately, I've really enjoyed thinking back to some of the songs I was listening to when I first became a Christian. In Colossians 2 it says, "In the same way you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him." These songs make my heart glad and encourage me to keep running the race. They stir up my affections for God and His Word, just like they did 12 years ago. It was through the hearing of these songs that I received Christ Jesus, and I want to continue listening to them for the rest of my life.

This week, I'm featuring a song called "Draw Me Close." This song was written by a girl named Kelly Carpenter, but, at least in my world, was made famous by a group called The Katinas. The Katinas didn't have very many hits (you may also remember the song "You Are God" from this group), but their arrangement of "Draw Me Close" was enough to put them on my map. This is a very intimate song. It speaks of longing and yearning for a Father who will whisper His love to us. If an infant could express it's deepest longings to its mother or father, it would probably sound like this:

Draw me close to you

Never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear you say that I'm your friend

You are my desire

No one else will do

'Cause nothing else can take your place

To feel the warmth of your embrace

Help me find the way

Bring me back to you

You're all I want

You're all I've ever needed

You're all I want

Help me know You are near

It's funny how the first 2 songs of this blog series have to do with feeding and cuddling. It makes sense that they'd impact me so much as a new believer: they're written as from the perspective of a helpless, 100% dependent child. Something about the lyrics and instruments of this song feel to me like a baby in a nursery - quiet, intimate, and safe. And the best part about it - there's no way you can walk away from this song feeling proud. It gets you in the correct posture before the Father.

This is my desire in worship, that I not only believe the words I'm singing, but that I feel a tangible sense of God's presence.

"Songs From My Baby Years": Hungry (Falling on My Knees)

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I've decided to start a blog series called "Songs From My Baby Years." This series stems from my most recent post (see below) about continuing to walk in the Lord Jesus as I received Him, and features songs or albums that impacted my walk early on in my Christian life (Colossians 2:6). For me, since music is such a big part of my life, that means pulling out those old songs from the late 90s early 2K, closing my eyes, and letting them stir me up again. You know how sometimes your mom will drag out that old box of toys she's kept in the attic all these years? Every time I see things like that, it takes me back to a time when life was full of delight, free of hardship, and Christmas came once every 10 years. That's kind of what "songs from my baby years" is about: it reminds me of how glorious Jesus Christ was to me at the time of my spiritual birth and helps me continue pressing on...

Hungry (Falling on My Knees) was a song/album that my youth pastor had recommended to me. I had made the decision that, yes, I am now a professing follower of Jesus, and I was hungry for "that thing" that all the other Christians around me had. When I bought it and started listening, Hungry was the first song on the album. I think the words impacted me the most because they described the place I was at in my life: hungry, thirsty, ready, willing, etc. (not to mention, Kathryn Scott was the lead vocalist and to this day can about bring me to tears with her worship ballads.)

Hungry, I come to you for I know you satisfy

I am empty but I know your love does not run dry

So I wait for you

So I wait for you

I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me

Jesus, you're all this heart is longing for

Broken, I run to you for your arms are open wide

I am weary but I know your touch restores my life

The best part about it was that the entire album was live, and every song was good (some of you may recall the songs "Breathe" and "There's No One Like Our God" which also are on this album). Being able to hear all those voices express their hunger and thirst simultaneously was mesmerizing to me. If you haven't heard the Hungry album, check it out on iTunes.

In the Same Way You Received Him...

"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him..." Colossians 2:6

When I became a Christian around the age of 16, I listened to ALOT of Christian music. Passion, Hillsong, Paul Baloche, Clay Cross, Steven Curtis, you name it - I owned it. This was my milk: 3 ounces of Michael W. Smith, 3 ounces Caedmon's Call...full (can you tell I'm a new dad?). This is how I got my spiritual nourishment. Sure, I made attempts to read the Bible, but I didn't understand theology yet. Couldn't have told you what God's sovereignty was or how one sacrifice for sins was enough. Dare I say, I didn't need it just yet. The music I was listening to was enough.

I know some people might scoff at this and say, "If you can't communicate the gospel, then how could you be born again?" Sorry to disappoint, but I don't see it that way. As a matter of fact, I was more alive, more in awe, and more in love with God at that point in my life than ever before. Everything was new, everything was amazing. Even my poor attempts at reading the Bible left my heart overflowing. I look at my month-old baby girl now and think, "Does she know who her parents are? Could she communicate that we'll never leave or forsake her? Does she know that she belongs to us?" Of course not. I think God operates that way when we first become believers. He gives us life by the Spirit, and treats us like newborns for a time. He doesn't expect us to be able to communicate the meaning of life at that stage. We grasp it over time. But one thing we do know...we have new life and we're out of the womb.

I'm not downplaying the study of the Word. Let me be the first to say that Jesus is clear about our need for it (John 15:5). What I'm talking about is continuing to walk in the Lord Jesus in the same way you received Him. I need to keep listening to some of those songs I used to hear when I was a spiritual newborn. Not so I can backslide or get lazy, but so it can aid my current walk. Maybe some of you out there get a charge from reading and have to work harder at implementing the creative side of things like singing hymns or spiritual songs. Me? Listening to hymns and spiritual songs makes me want to read the Bible, so the more I implement those into my personal time with God, the sweeter the Words on the page sound.

I hope that each of you might remember what stirred up your affections for Jesus when you first believed, and that you might continue to implement it into your lives.

A Scary 36 Hours with a Silver Lining

Around the time I would normally have been blogging last week, my wife's world took a wild turn. For 36 straight hours, she suffered from what is known as "Braxton Hicks" contractions. These are preparatory contractions the body performs to get ready for real labor. They began quietly around 7am last Wednesday and did not completely go away until midnight Friday morning. I can't think of anything more deafeating than going to a hospital twice in 24 hours only to be told, "There's nothing else we can do." There's nothing more excruciating than trying all you can to help your wife carry the load, only to see that she's really carrying all of it. It was scary, it was painful, and it was exhausting - particularly for her.

Thankfully, we have some women in our church that serve in the medical field and were able to give me some coaching on what I could do. After those 2 hospital visits, I was determined that we weren't going back unless we first spoke with people we knew. With some good breathing exercises, changing of position, and rehydration, the contractions finally faded away.

I don't believe that God enjoys putting us through painful situations, but I think he delights in what those situations produce in us. We've been through other situations where all control was lost, and we've been at our rope's end before. It seems the silver lining is always the same - where else can we run to? I mean seriously...what else or who else but God is going to be able to help in times where all control is lost? Sure, we can kick and scream. We can shake our fists and have meltdowns - but in the end - God never leaves or changes. He is the only solid Rock we've got, and maybe times like these are just reminders of that fact. So while neither of us ever wish for things like that to happen, we're always thankful for how our faith and our marriage are strengthened in the end.

Here's what Job said in the midst of his suffering: "And as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last, He will take His stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God. "(Job 19:25-26). Sometimes, that's enough to get us through.

Oh yeah...Stacy and baby are doing just fine. She just had her 36-week checkup. She measured perfect, and the doctor was even able to feel the baby's head, which means she's in the right position! Thank you for all of your prayers!

Being Like a Bride

It's pretty hard to miss all the bridal shows on television these days. My wife watches alot of them for fun. Unfortunately, I think alot of them are all about the event itself and not about what it should be - the union of a husband and a wife.

That being said, I do think there is something to be said about the way a bride is as she anticipates her wedding day. When Stacy and I were engaged, someone gave her a countdown timer that ticked away the days, hours and minutes. She spent hours looking at magazines and websites seeking to find the perfect flowers and bridesmaids dresses. She labored over the guest list and what kind of food was to be served at the reception. She even gave herself to reading and study of the Word so she could set her heart on God's will for marriage. From the time I popped the question until the day of our ceremony, Stacy's heart was set on the wedding. There was no doubting it. Her behavior showed it. Her heart showed it.

The wedding day was the best of all. Stacy spent hours putting on the finest makeup, fixing her hair, and putting on jewelry. The feast was prepared. The music was playing. The guests were present. When the doors to the back of the church flung open and all eyes were on her, there was no doubt in my mind that Stacy was ready for this day.

Don't you think when Jesus says, "Be on the alert...be ready," he's speaking in these terms? Isn't John on to something when he says in Revelation, "let us rejoice for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready"? The Church, the Bride of Christ, is called to "get ready" for the wedding day. Our salvation is the engagement ring. Our Christian life is the preparation for the wedding day. Shouldn't the reality of our engagement to the Perfect Husband leave us excited? Shouldn't we be hastening the day of His coming in our hearts? Shouldn't the reality of our engagement move us to gladly share it with others?

I pray God will help me to see my life in this way.

More On Football...

Here's a great post by a friend of mine that also deals with the male addiction to football. Congrats to Auburn University on their 2nd National Championship ('57, '10):

http://trappstr.com/2011/01/10/how-lunatic-sports-fans-are-made-the-jumping-dad-theory/comment-page-1/#comment-4847

Catching Up

Pardon the inconsistency you've experienced with my blog. The past two weeks have been busy as I anticipated, and I haven't had much time for blogging. However, here I am on the other side of the Christmas Concert, and I'd like to take some time to share what's been going on in various aspects of my life:

Christmas Concert -
Our choir and some hired instrumentalists presented "How Great Our Joy" for our church congregation and community this past Friday and Saturday evening. I think it's a privilege to be able to prepare an hour's worth of music and be able to minister to people by performing it. We always attempt to tell a story during our concerts, and this year we focused on the story of "joy". As I read through the account in Matthew & Luke, I was amazed at how many times the word "joy" or "rejoice" was used. It just seemed that even though the people of that time were familiar with the prophecies of the coming Messiah, they weren't any less shocked and overjoyed when He finally came. Every person in that story - Joseph, Mary, Zacharias, Elizabeth, Anna, Simeon - seems to go from ordinary to overjoyed in a flash!

College Football -
My last major post was about my addiction to college football. Since God moved in and broke me, I've learned some things:

#1 - God's call has a honeymoon phase: Just like a husband and wife who continually rediscover their love for each other, I think God continues to move in at various times and dramatically woo us - whether that be through a certain trial, a death, a new realization of sin or theology, etc. But those moments of bliss don't last. I don't think that's a bad reflection on God, I think it's the reality that Christians still have an enemy. Which brings me to my next point:

#2 - Satan WILL attack: When I first discovered my need for change, it felt easy. I was emotionally and spiritually high. Eventually those feelings came back to level, and I was left with my daily trust in Jesus and what He had called me to do. I've had times of disbelief where I've turned on a game or checked some articles on the internet (it's even harder when you find out your team is playing for a national championship). Satan never seems to shout...he's always just whispering. He plays with your conscience, and I think that's why Jesus used Scripture to battle him.

#3 - God DOES affirm Himself: Here are 2 passages I've clung to - "All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Cor. 6:12). Satan has succeeded numerous times in getting me to justify my actions - "It'll be ok just this once...everyone else seems to be ok with watching football...surely I can..." Paul's words are helpful because it reminds me that, yes, football is ok, but it's not ok for me to be mastered by it. The other helpful verse is this - "Man shall not live on bread [football] alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God" (Matt. 4:4). I often insert football in the place of bread, because for me it was the same as eating. I can throw just as much of a fit over not watching a football game as I can eating lunch at 1:00 instead of 12:00. Learning to trust God without my daily bread (football) has caused me to long for another kind of bread, the Living Bread. Please continue to pray for me in my pursuit of holiness, that I might be conformed to the image of Jesus.

Babies -
Stacy's now at 22.5 weeks. We're having a little girl. Her due date's April 9th. Cannot wait to be a dad!!

Continue to pursue Christ with me as we seek to enjoy HIM this holiday season, not just His gifts.

Sometimes God Closes In On Us...

Many years ago, I discovered the good music of Ed Cash. You might have seen his name on numerous Christian albums as producer, but Ed is also a fabulous songwriter and singer. One song that's always spoken to me was a tune he wrote called "Great Things Take Time." The song talks about an old man who discovers a fallen tree and wants to clean it up and carve it into a new design (hence the parallel between God and man). Here's how the bridge goes:

Some pieces of the wood were stubborn
Some just cut as easy as the air
But he didn't care how long it took
To make each part complete
Yeah, the time he took just showed
How much he cared,
How much he cared

Over the past few years, God has been doing something in me that I haven't told many people about. Like the lyrics to that song, it's been the "stubborn" part of me, and God's been working on it for a long time. It's been one of those areas that I've tried to run from and brush aside for so long but have never seemed to have the courage to face it. It started off as something fun. It delighted me. It was a source of relaxation. But about 6 years ago, this gift of God became to me like the ring to Gollum in Lord of the Rings. No longer was I just a hobbit like everyone else. Slowly, I was becoming a monster. This "ring" of mine was no longer just a nice piece of jewelry to wear on my finger. It became my "precious." And with each passing year, it became more, and more, and more precious to me. If it was threatened, or lost, or taken away, I became someone I didn't like. And through it all, God's whispers of conviction went to speaking voice, and from speaking voice to shouting.

I never wanted to admit to myself how horribly addicted I was to the great sport of college football. I found ways to justify it as something fun, something relaxing, something masculine, something I deserved. And for a good portion of my life, that's all it was - fun. It's much more complicated now. I can't turn it off. I can't say no. I can't give it up for anyone, not even my wife. It's my precious, and I have to have it. Don't ask me to help clean the house. Don't ask me to run an errand. Don't ask me to change the channel or go out to a movie. This is my precious. I can't miss a play, and I can't not watch...I can't...not...watch...

You know how sometimes God will close in on you? I mean in a way that you can't even know how to pray for? It's like you notice something in your life that's competing with God, and you try and cheat around it for so long that you just get worn out? You get tired of trying to justify it in your prayers, until finally, you just give up? That's how God closed in on me. I got tired of justifying my addiction. I got tired of continually ignoring my wife because "the game was on." I got tired of worrying about who was going to plan an event on a Saturday. I got tired of waking up on Sunday mornings and not even being able to worship because I was so enthralled with last night's game. This is the stubborn part of me on which God has finally broken the padlock. I give up. I simply cannot serve the two. But this act of surrender, of which God has enabled me to do, is the most freeing thing I have experienced in a LONG time. I'm really glad that God is this committed to me...and I'm even more glad that He moves in for action when I'm completely helpless...

To God be the glory.

Yesterday and Today

Last week we introduced a Sovereign Grace (see link on the right) tune called "Oh the Deep, Deep Love." We sang it again yesterday. I really, really, really like this song. The verses have rich thoughts about the work of Jesus, and the chorus is a response to that great work. I love songs that give you some room for reflection. That's why I think Chris Tomlin's re-write of "When I Survey" ("The Wonderful Cross") works so well. It's the same melody and the same old hymn, but it's got a great chorus that allows you to reflect on the verses. I think that's why it takes me a little longer to fall in love with old hymns - I have to memorize all the words before it really sinks in.

I just finished a study of 1 & 2 Samuel. To me, these 2 books are like a musical: The 1st act is upbeat and climaxes to the end. The 2nd act is darker, sometimes even depressing, but usually with an ending of hope. What's helpful to me about the Old Testament is that you get to see how God intercts with people in their day to day life, good times and bad. You get to see how he brings about his good and perfect will even when the world seems to be falling apart. It's helping shape my theology about who God is. Even though it's not always as easy of a read as the New Testament, I'm learning to love it.

This morning, I began a reread of Max Lucado's "In the Grip of Grace." It's been 10 years since I last read it (I was 17 years old then). I'm one of those people who doesn't like to admit their need for help. I'm quicker to give advice than to ask for it, so naturally, I struggle with grace and the acceptance of God's forgiveness. When I saw this book on the shelf, I knew right away I needed to read it again. Having been a Christian for 10 years now, I'm optimistic that I'll be able to understand it better, and hopefully, be more amazed at grace by the end. In all the moves Stacy and I have made and of all the things we've thrown away, I'm glad we've kept all of our old books.

Redeem the Weekend

I love the weekend. I love being able to sleep in, take it easy, watch a little golf, play a little golf, go on dates with my wife, and if we're really in a sunny mood, go to the beach together. I love sitting with Stacy and watching our favorite NBC shows on Thursday nights (the beginning of my weekend). It's a mentally relaxing time for me and for her.

My weekends have been lacking personal time with God, though. I've found ways to keep busy. And when the thought about spending time with God crosses my mind, I'm pretty good about juistifying it: "I need a break," "It's the weekend, it's ok." "God wants me to take a break." "I don't like reading on the weekends." It's not that I think God is going to punish me if I don't spend time with him on Fri or Sat. I'm just finding that going through the weekend without any personal worship time leaves me dry and thirsty come Sunday morning. I always allow myself some time with God before I arrive at church, which I should. I've got a pretty decent routine throughout the week as well. But my worship experience as a music director is much different on Sundays when I've been meeting with God throughout the weekend.

My repentance is this: I have not viewed God as my ultimate source of rest on the weekends. I've allowed my fun to become my object of affection, and it never lives up to its appeal. I'm not trying to condemn fun. Fun will always be fun. But I enjoy fun alot more when I'm satisfied in God.
I don't hear God saying to me, "Rick, why haven't you had you're quiet time? I'm angry with you." I hear Him saying, "Rick, if you need rest, rest in me. If you're burdened and tired, rest in me. If it's fun you're looking for, come dance and sing in my presence, where you won't be let down, and your greatest longings will be quenched. My yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Solitude

Great day of worship yesterday. I really, really like Fernando Ortega's version of "How Firm a Foundation" we've been doing, especially the end where we draw out the line "that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I'll never, no never, no never forsake." It's almost like, "Hey, if you didn't get it while we were singing it on eigth notes and quarter notes, maybe you'll get it when we try it on half notes! What a great hymn to compliment TJ's series on Ephesians.

This post is somewhat of an extension of my last post. Yesterday, TJ spoke about solitude, specifically in the realm of getting alone with God so that we not only know about Him, but experience Him (Eph. 3:17-19). The demands of our American society have made it difficult to have solitude. It's so fast-paced that slowing down and getting quiet takes effort. In my last post, I spoke of the struggles to keep my quiet time (solitude) fresh. This post, I want to expand on one of the solutions I've found to that...worship tunes.

When I first became a Christian (age 16), the contemporary music movement was at it's peak. Passion Band, Hillsong, Vineyard and others were cranking out great new songs. These songs were what I relied on to have solitude because I didn't yet know how to study the Bible. Whether in my room, in my car, or at church, I was constantly thinking about these tunes, and more importantly, God. Here are some albums that deeply impacted my solitude as a new Christian:

Hungry (Falling on My Knees) - includes a compilation of artists such as Kathryn Scott and Brenton Brown. The absolute best worship album I've ever owned.

Hillsong: Shout to the Lord 2000 - this is back in the days of Darlene Zchech. This album was high energy, covering every emotion possible.

Passion: OneDay Live - a compilation of old and new worship tunes by the Passion Band. Includes Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall and Christy Nockels.

Now-a-days, I'm listening to the full range of it all (hymns, contemporary, other). Yet, over the past 5 years, I've stopped using worship tunes to help aid my time alone with God. Yes, I went through the phase where I felt like my quiet time wasn't complete unless I had studied the Scriptures with a 5 lb. concordance and a notebook. I had pushed out using music to aid my solitude because I figured it wasn't "the best way." Now, I'm beginning to remember how rich those times were. To think of the deep communion I could have with God if I combined the music from my "spiritual birth" with the theology of my "spiritual maturity." Wow...

I think I might need to pull out that Hungry cd again...

Have You Had Your Quiet Time Yet?

Seven years ago, I was sitting down with a group of men who were interviewing me to come on staff with their church as a part-time worship leader. I was a 20-year-old college student at the time. Due to the demands of being a music major, I turned down the offer, but one moment from that interview has stayed with me these past 7 years. A moment that has slowly evoled in my mind. During the interview, the pastor looked at me and said, "One thing we expect from you is that you be spending time with God." "Perfect!", I thought. "I'm a pro at that. I spend time with God every single day!" The pastor continued, "This can look several different ways, Rick. It can be anything from reading the Bible, spending time in prayer, or even listening to a few Christian songs that mean something to you." "WHAT! How dare he take personal devotions so lightly! There is one way and one way only to spend time with God! That's Bible and notebook open, mister! You can't spend time with God by just praying or listening to music! You gotta have the WORD!!!"

Fast-forward a few years. I'm tired of the same ol' routine of getting out my notebook and Bible. It's beginning to feel like homework. I'm struggling to believe that God isn't just a little frustrated with me because I missed a day or two. I want to revive my quiet time but am afraid to change my system. Was that pastor on to something?

As a church staff member, I spend 5 days a week in an environment where the Bible is constantly talked about. Every bit of work I do is centered around it. It's no wonder that after 4 1/2 years of being staffed in a church that my personal devotions begin to feel like an extension of my office hours. It's no wonder that my mind is looking to escape theology for a day or two. I think about it alot. I've found myself pondering that pastor's words more and more and more over the past few years, and I think I'm beginning to understand why he listed more than one option for spending time with God - you gotta keep it fresh.

I've always been a stickler about things. I find a system that works, and I stick with it. Yet, as I've stayed with the same system of quiet time over the years, I've found more and more that I wanted to change my approach, but was too afraid to do so. Why? Because when I was first shown how to have a quiet time, it was a 1-2-3 process, and it worked for me. Like I said, I'm a stickler, and you show me a system that works, and I'll stay with it. Yet over time, I grew bored with that method, but I stuck with it because "that's the way you're supposed to have your quiet time." But by God's grace, I'm beginning to see the benefit of switching things up a little. On those days where reading the Bible feels like pulling teeth, I can make a 5-song playlist on my iPod, close my eyes and listen. I'm much better off doing that then hurrying through a Bible passage and being frustrated the rest of the day. Oft times, worship/Christian songs help me desire God's Word again. Even fellowship with other believers can help me desire the Word. Jesus simply said, "Abide in me." While I still beleive that God's Word is the best way to abide in Jesus, I think He's also given us prayer, music and fellowship to help aid in that process.

Currently, I'm reading through 1 Samuel - no notebook or pencil. I love it.